This season has looked and felt very different for me from year’s past. I’ve allowed myself to sink into the spaces of slowness. The slowness of a season marked by fallen leaves and crisp walks with my dog. Slowness marked by a consistent coverage of grey clouds over my head and my home. It’s been incredibly uncomfortable, and yet the slowness has brought me clarity.
The slowness allows me to see that appointment work is wanting to be set down so I can orient fully towards textiles. Textiles that are large and can be shared amongst many. Textiles that adorn the body to make us feel more like ourselves. Textiles that allow for play alongside purposeful movement.
I’ve dismantled my entire practice in every way these last 3 years. I went from painting big to painting small. I went from a shared, outward studio space to home practice. I went from public work to one-on-one appointment work. I went from outsourcing weavers to quilting. I began making active decisions on where I was called to be.
I see my practice now as a reflection of my own embodiment. I previously identified with work that was forward-facing because it meant I was being seen. I previously identified with work that was physically taxing because it gave me validation in this body that felt at odds with the world around it. I went from work that was rigid to work that is soft, malleable, and worn.
My work is now tethered with my practice that is deep, slow, and healing. I see myself alongside the plants in my home that shape-shift through each season. I see myself alongside my dog that teaches me an unbelievable amount of patience and will-power. I see myself alongside my climbing practice that is slow and takes a great deal of observation. I see myself alongside my friends that continue to move through the seasons with me.
The more I’ve grown into myself, my practice, my queerness, and my care, the softer it’s become. When I share my practice it feels less like a shout into the webs and more of a whisper that speaks to those who are actively listening.
I feel less concerned with how others see me because I’m seeing myself. I’m noticing when I respond differently to a hard thing. I’m noticing how I feel around money this time of year. I’m noticing how differently I’m showing up on social media. I’m noticing how I’m able to show up for those around me. I’m noticing how I show up for my practice every single day.
This season is still incredibly hard for me no doubt. I get to hold this information alongside the ability to restructure my time and my care. I’m noticing my excitement marked by the beginning of the winter solstice. I’m noticing my presence for what is beautiful and what is hard.
The solstice brings a bit more light into our lives. Perhaps this light will begin to shine clarity on the pockets of tension we’ve carried that are asking to be set down. Perhaps we can take the time to just notice.
Noticing myself alongside my practice,
Meredith
I had this shift recently as well. I realized too much of my energy was oriented outward and chose the word "root" for 2022. I think I found more of a balance in rooting and reaching this year. And I've also stopped limiting what I make to mediums that are easily shared online. It's felt really expansive.