The stars have aligned, the planets have conjunct(ed?), Palestine is still being bombed, and the tension reminds that change is afoot. Aries season starts us off with the beginning of the astrological new year, it coincides with the fool in the tarot. It’s the jumping off point, the 0, the peaking over the ledge before something teeters into the abyss. It’s the terrifying space between what was, what is, and what is becoming. I’ve been moving through the energy of uncharted territory — of feeling held and entirely uncertain all wrapped up with a bow on top.
My sessions allow me to see the threads that we’re all untethering from are more significant than perhaps we even understand right now. I garner a lot of this to the shift in Pluto — the overwhelming amount of planets that sat in Aquarius allowing us to really see and really pivot. However, I hold the most unbelievable amount of stock in our witnessing of Palestine day-in-and-day-out — a moment in our lifetime that has shifted humanity’s understanding of what is right, what is fair, what has been deemed worthy under the name of war or border or possession or terrorism.
We see — not through the lens of the television or the newspaper or through our dumbass leaders — but through the firsthand accounts of those experiencing genocide every single day. The terror of waking up each day knowing that still, no one is coming to help. The unparalleled anxiety on my end waking up and checking to see if the journalists and kids and families and olive trees and hospitals are still there — every.single.day.
We see what life, what body, what personhood is deemed worthy enough to fight for life — their own, their family, their communities, their neighbor, a stranger— to begin with. Why the fuck do people think it’s okay to hold discussions about the rape of a few in context to the death of 30,000? Who do we think we are playing god all the time?
We’re getting very clear. We’re becoming clear on where we stand, who we fuck with, where we show up, what we choose to partake in. We’re utilizing voice and privilege and anything we have available to us to make mutual aid a part of daily, weekly, monthly routine. We’re making way for what really wants to come in, even if that means we have no clue of what the actuality of that means in real life.
My previous partner, my best friend, is moving out in less than 2 weeks. My studio waits on the sideline to move into the space that he once occupied. Our dog is starting to pick up on the boxes and shifts that are occurring as we take stock of how best to move forward with him and with each other. It doesn’t feel great, or even okay, but it feels right.
As I make way for what is being relinquished, and thus being birthed, I’m faced with the financial responsibility of my rent, my bills, my groceries, my life, alone again. I know that I’m not alone “technically” but the world and its hetero systems work really hard to make it feel, and most importantly operate, that way.
I’m recalculating what stays and what goes — already understanding that going out, although the practice of out doesn’t mean a whole lot to me anymore as someone who has officially decided to give up alcohol altogether, is mostly off the table right now. The compromise of my peace, my time, and the sanctity of work is priority.
My work that is tarot and markets and product-making is one that keeps me connected to the pulse of humanity. The exchanges leave me feeling weepy and encapsulated in so much love, although exhaustion steeped in grief, every time. I, we, us are fed up. We want to sustain with less pressure from the powers-that-be. We want to know why being an adult means paying taxes to fund genocide. We listen for answers in our bodies even though the doctors tell us we are crazy.
It feels increasingly more difficult to continue to make a livable wage when the grief and rage swells to the surface with unexpected and monumental waves at varying points through the day. What do we come back to when life requires work? What does work come back to when life requires facing death at every turn?
I’ve been applying for art jobs with big tickets. This way, perhaps, my work that brings me closer to my purpose may be supplemented by work that pays my rent with a little less stress. This is not to say that these jobs feel soul-sucking, but these are clients with commercial money — the kind that gets divvied out with a looser grip. One that I’m reminded is beneficial to me and my practice in order to continue to show up in the ways that I truly long for. The two combined allow for sustainability, for ease, and for deeper reciprocity when called upon.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, in my life is certain. Well I take that back. My relationship to self remains true, but outside of this body and soul, all bets are off the table. I feel ready? I feel powerful? I feel slightly delusional. Life is to be lived, so I’m testing that theory out in real time. I read a quote somewhere along the way that said we choose to make decisions out of love or out of fear. Those are the only two options. I think it’s natural to choose fear because shit is scary and that comes with privilege and circumstance, but I’ve slowly been setting down my decision-making out of fear for that of love.
This has been a practice for 9 years now — one that I don’t take lightly or for granted. The route has been fucked up, with a lot of falling and failing, and more to come I’m sure of it. But I’d rather live with this one precious life than succumb to a life that was mediocre at best.
I send y’all love and grace with these major transitions. It’s hard out here. I recognize this with my eyes wide open and my heart following suit.
🌝 I’m running a sale through Wednesday April 24th with code 420 for 30% off everything in my shop including 60 minute tarot sessions! I’m making space for what wants to come in and freeing up some finances for my upcoming expenses
🌝 I’m at Press Shop on Tuesday from 7-9pm for tarot and NA bevvies or rose pours for the full pink moon
🌝 I’ve got 2 options for tarot on Fridays where we meet online: the 60 minute session for $60-80 sliding scale and the donation-based session that runs 25 minutes because this has been such a beautiful space for us to meet and want to continue to offer that
🌝 I’m offering 2 hours of tarot on Sunday April 28th alongside my friends with all proceeds going to Palestine. I’ll make a link for this for sign-up
🌝 Asking for prayers, blessings, words of encouragement, and shares of my work as I step into a bigger threshold with this practice that I’ve ever been in. It means and will continue to foster so much more for expanding into this brand
With Love,
Meredith &